Like this, only with trolls.
So after all this kerfuffle I thought I should "return" to blog posting with something dramatic, something awesome, something so bear-punchingly metal that all the wailing, gnashing of teeth, and lamentation of women would be drowned out by the collective awe-gasp of my millions of loyal adoring fans.
PREPARE YOURSELF FOR A SUDDEN MASSIVE INTAKE OF BREATH!!!
I finally got my Trollpaws on 'Maledictus Eris', the newest release from Danish folkmongers Svartsot. Okay, it's not that new; it came out in August of 2011. Svartsot have been through some major lineup changes but in my opinion they remain one of the greatest (and probably most underappreciated) folk-death bands in the w...okay, don't forget to breathe out.
Where was I? Oh yeah. Svartsot fucking rules. They are easily one of my all-time favourite folk metal bands in all of forever. They have just the right blend of grunty death vocals, metally metal, and folking fiddle-dee-dee to exemplify all the things I like about folk metal as a genre. And despite the aforementioned lineup changes, they remain an incredibly tight, well-honed instrument of olde-timey savagery.
'Maledictus Eris' is a concept album. I'm starting to think folk metal is really the only genre that can pull off concept albums. Anyone who feels compelled to mention 'Operation: Mindcrime' can kindly go suck flaming balls, after which I shall loose the Trollwolves upon you to tear you asunder. Mentions of Running Wild and pirate metal will earn you heaps of my adulation, which works nicely as an industrial lubricant.
My adulation - let me shower you with it.
Anyway, 'Maledictus Eris' is about how awesome and bloodthirsty the Danes are. I realize that saying "awesome" and "bloodthirsty" is redundant. but Suck Flaming Balls™; when they invent a PhD in writing good, you can come back and say bad noises about my word-together-making. I don't come to YOUR work and talk shit about how YOU do your job, unless of course you're that douche hipster at the coffee shop who keeps fucking up my extra-shot soy caramel macchiato.
All hail our Dark Roasted Lord and Master.
Okay, quick, before I get distracted again: Svartsot's 'Maledictus Eris' gets the highest rating I am able to give, which is 5 out of 5 drinking horns raised, because it is a glorious masterpiece of folk-infused death metal that you can pick up on iTunes for the moderately reasonable sum of $10 so there's really no excuse not to be enjoying this frothy tankard of village-pillaging, bagpipe-enriched tastiness.
Svartsot - 'Farsoten Kom'
Hey ho! Here's something that will make your dead dance.
Svartsot - 'Dødedansen'
If that hasn't whetted your femur-bone whistle, here's one more.
Svartsot - 'Om Jeg Lever Kveg'
Okay, you all can breathe easy once more. I'm back.