Okay, I know the title of this post is pretty damn sexist but the closest female equivalent I could think of was "Trollspaz Out With Your Trollvag Out" which, aside from being a pretty shitty rhyme, just doesn't make a whole lot of sense.
This will make sense later, I promise.
Quick - without Googling it - who knows where Belarus is?
Follow-up question: who knew that there was even a country called Belarus?
Well now you do. And you also now know (because I said so) that Belarus is home to a few pretty sweet bands, one of whom is the awesome folk rock/metal collective known as Litvintroll. Now I am not going to lie to you, I stumbled across this band in the very un-metal fashion of keyword searching "troll" on YouTube. This is something I do on a semi-regular basis for no other reason than it lets me discover new bands like Litvintroll (guess how I discovered this band? Go on, guess.).
This is the first video I came across:
Litvintroll - "Rock 'N' Troll"
I'm guessing I don't have to tell you I dug this immediately. I mean the one dude is playing a freakin' recorder, for fuck's sake. There is absolutely NOTHING metal about the recorder. Or so I once thought. The other unusual instrument you'll see and hear in this video is a bagless bagpipe (not a "pipe" as is commonly and incorrectly thought). Okay, I'm sort of guessing on that one. It might be a zhaleika. My knowledge of folk instruments is pretty limited...I know some of the more common ones, you know, like accordions and junk. Oh, and there are bagged bagpipes too, at the end. After the breakdown.
Regardless. This is not as metal as I usually like my folk metal to be, but Litvintroll has some damn catchy riffs and grooves. They produce what I like to affectionately call "stompers", id est, songs that makes you want to stomp around and spill some beer on someone (otherwise known to the non-metal community as 'dancing'). Here's what I mean:
Litvintroll - "The Air Is Fragrant With Thyme"
Don't let the song title fool you.
Kind of makes me wish I understood Belarusian so I could sing along and not have to make up my own lyrics ("boxes and boxes and boxes of borscht! Huah!"). I realize 'singing along' is not metal, but I'm about as trve and kvlt as Miley Cyrus so I'm okay with that.
One more: a cover.
Litvintroll - "Breaking The Law" (Judas Priest)
And because I'm not too proud to admit when I am wrong, it took hearing a cover of this song by a Belarusian folk metal band before I realized that the first line was not "Darryl was completely wasted..." For so much of my life I have endured sleepless nights wondering who the fuck Darryl was, and now thanks to Litvintroll I can finally rest.
That's Belarus. And now you know.